Every Flavour Beans
by TangerineFields
Summary: Remus does love Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans - if only a certain Marauder hadn't spellotaped them shut...


Disclaimer: The Marauders and their many wonderful adventures are all the property of J. K. Rowling :)

**Every Flavour Beans**

Remus did like Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. In fact, he liked anything that was remotely bad for him, which explained the chocolate wrappers that twinkled, emptily, in the bottom of the dormitory bin. Unfortunately, blaming their consumption on Sirius didn't work. And Remus had tried. Numerous times.

"Ah come off it, Rem," James had cocked an eyebrow at the lycanthrope. "Chocolate is a poison sent down by the Gods to bring Sirius out in spots. He wouldn't touch it with a bargepole." James glanced over to Sirius and then yelled, "Because he's a bloody arrogant bugger!"

Sirius, who was busy flirting with a very pretty and very pink Ella Jordon, shot James a wink, his hand already resting on his new found conquest's thigh.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I swear, that's the third time this week."

"Soundin' bitter, Moons. Something I should know?"

Remus scowled. "I just don't think it's doing anyone any good."

James laughed quietly, and returned to his Quidditch magazine. "Hey, I'm always here if you wanna talk about it."

Remus shot him one long, withering look and retired back to his corner with his prized packet of Beans.

It came as a great shock to him, then, that someone had spellotaped them shut. Spellotape was, unlike Muggle sellotape, rather difficult to get off and unfortunately for Remus, this particular piece had developed a mind of its own and was resolutely refusing to budge.

Remus gave a cry of frustration and threw the packet angrily into the middle of the common room.

A few eyes peeked over textbooks, curious as to what had caused such an outburst in the normally reserved young wizard.

Remus, who had decided there was only one possible culprit for this dastardly deed, marched over to Sirius, who was very near to snogging the face of Ella Jordon, grabbed him by the collar, whipped out his wand and yelled, "Levicorpus!"

Sirius shrieked in a most unmanly way and James laughed so hard he dropped his treasured double spread of Puddlemere United's triumph over the Chudley Cannons.

"Right!" Remus looked furious and Sirius, who was struggling valiantly against Snape's best invention, quaked a little. "Someone has spellotaped my Beans shut, Sirius Black, and you'd better hope to Merlin it wasn't you."

Sirius gulped, which was difficult when you were hanging upside down and the whole of Gryffindor seemed to have flooded into the common room to watch. "Er, Moons, Moons, mate, can't we…er…talk about this somewhere else?"

Remus glared.

"Well could you at least put me down? I mean, I think I'm going a bit fuggy, all the blood's going to my head an…" Sirius stopped very abruptly when he saw the look on Remus' face. "Ah, yeah," he stuttered. "It was a joke, Moons."

Remus turned to the common room with a frankly terrifying smile. "Punishment?"

Now would be a good time for the puppy eyes, Sirius decided, but as Gryffindor began to chant suggestions, he realised they were another thing that didn't work upside down. He stared appealingly at James, who was grinning devilishly.

"Hey, Moons!" James snickered. "You didn't know Padders was ticklish, did you?"

Remus' whole face lit up. "No, Prongs, I did not. But I do now," Remus looked up at Sirius and beamed, "Rictusempra!"

Sirius convulsed, and began to giggle manically. "Oh, god, no, Moons, stop that, bloody stop…that…" He howled, and squirmed, scrunched his eyes together and twisted madly in the air, cackling and hooting fit to burst. "Moon, I'm…I'm…" Sirius dissolved again, "I'mgonnabesick!"

"What was that, Sirius?" Remus grinned, "I didn't quite catch it. Was it, sorry Remus, sorry that I spellotaped your packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans shut?"

Sirius juddered as another fit of the giggles engulfed him. "I'm sorry Remy," he gasped, "I'm sorry that I…" He dissolved again, "Ah god, I can't…"

"Oh come on, Sirius, it's really not that hard to say."

Sirius swallowed desperately. "I'm sorry I spellotaped…I spellotaped the beans, Moons…" he gagged and the whole common room took a step back, with the exception of James, who was laughing so hard black spots were appearing on his vision.

"That's better," Remus smiled, "I suppose you can come down now."

Sirius landed in a panting, giggling heap on the common room floor. "Gods, Moons, I hate you…"

"What was that, Sirius?"

Sirius swallowed and glanced up at Remus. "You want me to open the packet?"

Remus beamed magnanimously, "Oh I would love you to, Padders."

Sirius picked himself up, and brushed off his robes. There was a barely muffled giggle, and with a glare, Sirius muttered, "Accio Beans!" and stomped off into the corner.

Remus grinned after him, and pocketed his wand.

"Speech! Speech!" James yelled breathlessly, as the whole of Gryffindor burst into thunderous applause. Sirius did not look impressed.

Half an hour of Diffindo-ing later and the spellotape was not budging. Sirius growled and levitated the packet with an angry swish of his wand. Damn Moony. Ella Jordan was still laughing at him, and even glancing at the rest of the common room brought him out in a painful blush. He slashed viciously at the Beans, and snarled, "_Sectumsempra!_"

The packet exploded, Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans shooting in all directions.

"Shit!" Sirius barked, and jumped to his feet, just as Remus walked, triumphantly back into the common room, loaded with chocolate from the kitchens and got smacked in the forehead by a vomit coloured bean.

"You're in for it now, mate." James, who was definitely having the best night he'd had since Lily Evans had noticed him for long enough to compare him to a Blast Ended Skrewt.

"Mooney, Moons," Sirius gazed at Remus with his biggest and best puppy eyes. "I've been tryin' for the last hour, mate…and hey, I thought it was worth a try…"

Remus was looking murderous. "They were my last packet."

"I'll get you more."

Remus fixed him with a hard stare. "How much more?"

"Gods, tons…" Sirius panicked slightly. "I'll get you your bodyweight? Lifetime supply?" Anything to avoid that bloody tickling curse, he prayed.

Remus thought about it for a minute and then shrugged. "I suppose."

The collective occupants of the common room groaned. Sirius glowered at them.

"Oh, and Padfoot," Remus grinned, waving a piece of paper from the bottom of the dormitory stairs. "We won't be forgetting this in while."

Sirius' eyes grew impossibly wide. "Oh god, Rem, say you're kidding me…"

"He's not mate, genuine photographic proof there," James winked at Sirius. "Solid gold I'd say."

Sirius groaned, and sank down in the middle of the common room floor. "I hate you," he moaned. "I hate you all."

Remus grinned and decided at that moment he couldn't love anyone more than Bertie Bott and his Every Flavour Beans.

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**Reviews means beans! :D**


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